Reflection Series: What To Keep and What To Let Go Of

In my Leadership and Personal Development (LPD) class we are assigned weekly reflections. Normally, I respond only to our professor Mary Kay. In the sake of transparency and to provide some personal insights, I’ve decided to share one of those reflections with you.

Here I am sitting in a beautiful condo in downtown Seattle. I look out of the window to my left and see the Seattle Space Needle. I look behind me, and I see the beautiful waters of the Puget Sound. Several of my goals have come to fruition. I’m in a great graduate program. I’m in a beautiful city. And I’m surrounded by wonderful people. I should be feeling great. And for the most part, I do. However, at the same time, I just can’t release this feeling of guilt—this feeling that I don’t deserve the success I’ve achieved up to this point—the feeling that I am sitting on this couch because of pure, undeserved luck.  That’s what I need to let go of.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been trying to fight this feeling. I think, finally, I may be starting to win that fight. I had a conversation with a couple of friends about it and, through that conversation I learned three things. 

1. It’s an obligation to take full advantage of the opportunities that are presented. To not take advantage of those opportunities would be a waste.
2. There are systems and institutions in place that play a major role, many of which I cannot be held responsible for (e.g., family, social, financial, educational, access, etc.)
3. The best place for me to make a difference in those systems is a position of success.

Success with compassion is what they explained to me. It’s great to care, but we can’t let the caring become a debilitating factor in our quest to promote positive, social change.

I want to keep my drive. And I want to keep those positive people in my life. I want to keep making progress.

What would I like to create? I’d like to be part of a community that helps ensure that everybody has the opportunity to dream.

My First Week In Seattle

My first week in Seattle has come to a close. With class, homework, and work, it was a very full week. However, it’s good to be back in my element at work. I’m enjoying being creative again. At BGI (from the perspective of employee), there is a LOT to do, but I welcome the challenge. Regardless of the amount of work, it’s great to belong to an organization whose purpose is to make the world a better place.

I saw my first bulesque show at The Can Can. My friend Laura, who I haven’t seen in several years, has been living in Seattle for the past few years and introduced me to the place.  I enjoyed the creative and laid back atmosphere, the show was good, and the food was amazing. She is also an amazing artist and was involved in an open house at Inscape on Airport Blvd. South.

Lastly, I finished up the week volunteering with Treehouse For Kids with the Southwestern Alumni Assocation of the Pacific Northwest. Southwestern University was representing yesterday from 10:00 a.m. PST to 2:00 p.m. PST. I’ll follow up with more of what Treehouse For Kids does in an upcoming post, but to put it succintly, they run a store in which foster children can shop for clothes, toys, accessories, and school supplies for free. It was an honor to be involved and I’m thankful they let me join them in their work.

Southwestern Alumni Association volunteering with Treehouse For Kids

I have no idea what this is, but I knew I needed a picture

Peter Byck screening his film Carbon Nation at BGI

A view of the Seattle Space Needle on my walk home

Stuff

Stuff, Stuff, Stuff. We love stuff. I didn’t realize just how much stuff I’ve acquired until I started moving. I found all kinds of stuff that was just that—stuff. Not important stuff, but just stuff taking up space. I was finding it difficult to part with a lot of it. Not because it was important, but because it brought back so many memories. The following videos helped me get over that and get rid of all the unnecessary things that were holding me back.

I Can't Believe I Don't Live in San Antonio Anymore

I’m writing this post from my iPhone on Frontier Airlines flight #684 in route to Denver, where I’ll have a relatively short layover. From there I’ll be headed to Seattle. This time for the foreseeable future.

My time as an Apple employee ended this past Friday night at 9:15 p.m., and I’ve been packing ever since. Trying to prepare to relocate across the nation in four days has been a bit of a challenge. Because of the fast pace of things I haven’t had any time for it to sink in that, once I land, I will be a Seattle resident. I know longer live in San Antonio. I no longer live in Texas. It’s hard to believe that so many things are going to change. But I welcome a new city and new experiences.

During my haste to pack my entire apartment in four days I realized that I have acquired so much _stuff_. I mean I found a Microsoft Windows ‘95 installation disc among other things I’ve been carrying for far too long. All this stuff has a way of holding me back. I felt attached to things I didn’t even remember I had. Why was it difficult for me to get rid of a Sega Genesis? I don’t have a TV to play it on anyway. Why didn’t I want to let go of a pair of track spikes I never intend to wear again? I decided it was time to edit my belongings as I try to do with my writing-anything that isn’t absolutely necessary I try and remove it. Just as every word I publish has a purpose, so do the things I decided to keep. I donated eight bags of clothes to Goodwill. And that was just a start.

As I transition to a new life in Seattle, I want to take a moment a recognize some of the most influential people I’ve met in San Antonio:

Paul Garcia
Paul, you were the first person ever to welcome me to San Antonio. I’ve told you this once, but I’ll say it again. You really made me feel welcome and accepted me as though I was family. I’ve seen you trough your wedding and first year of marriage. Thank you for always being a positive source of energy.

Sylvia Sitters
Sylvia, thank you for inspiring me through your love of humanity and animals. You serve as a constant reminder that the world is full of people who are quietly moving mountains within their communities.

DeAnne Cuellar, Leticia Medina, Ernesto Olivo
You all are simply wonderful, tirelessly working as a team to empower marginalized people with a voice and a platform to share that voice. I wish MJL much continued success and don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything.

Todd O’Neill and Debbie Curtis
You weren’t afraid to step forth and bring a vision to San Antonio. Although SA-Town might not be ready for that vision, you showed just how much risk one needs to take sometimes to pursue a dream. You have been responsible for bringing some of the greatest people and experiences into my life through C4 Workspace and TEDxSanAntonio.

Diane Huth
I feel like you know everything there is to know about marketing. You have served as my professional mentor and I thank you for taking the time to work with me to develop some of the skills that are already paying off. Best of luck with BioVideo and you know you have 24 hour tech support if you need it.

Interlex Communications, Inc.
A little over a year ago now you fired me. And that’s probably one of the best things to happen to me in my career. One of my biggest fears professionally has always been that, one day, I might be fired. Now that fear can be put to rest. You taught me what it means to fail. More importantly I learned how to move on and use what could be considered negative experiences and use them as fuel to create great ones. Most importantly, the time there introduced me to some wonderful people. Without you I never would have met the likes of Jake Negovan, Angela Kleinheksel, Melissa Lojewski, Linda (everybody refers to Linda by first name only), and Mayra Urteaga. All are great at what they do and all have, and continue, to enrich my life.

Apple Northstar
Working at Apple has been one of the most frustrating, stressful, rewarding, and beautiful experiences of my entire life. I often went home and asked myself what I was doing there. It wasn’t the kind of work I felt was making a difference. I was mistaken. I realize that I’ve helped thousands of people love their products and feel special over the course of the year I was an Apple employee. The real reason I think my journey took me there was so that I would have the opportunity to influence and be influenced by those who work there. There are far too many names to name, but you know who you are. Keep it classy Northstar.

With that I will conclude this relatively long post. My thumbs are hurting, my eyes are heavy, and the captain is about to ask us to turn off our electronic devices. Thank you for reading this far. There’s no way I could have mentioned everything and everyone who has positively impacted my life, but I am grateful for all you. Thank you for making my time in San Antonio a growing experience and one I will take with me forever.