The Power Of 'With'

The word ‘with’ is powerful, yet underutilized in our discourse. We live in a society that tends to value competition more than collaboration. Thus, we end up with statements like, “Yesterday, I talked to him” or “I work for this company.” Those sentences, while perfectly fine, lack the nuances of dynamic relationships and communication. If you talked to somebody, you didn’t converse with them.  However, if you talk with somebody, you both can add value to the conversation, and therefore add value to each other. Likewise, working with somebody or an organization places a sense in the individual that they are working with others towards a common goal.

When I’m consulting a non-profit or a small business, I don’t do anything for them. I work with them to bring out their potential as well as mine. I let them know that we’re in this together. Take a vested interest in everything you do. Try using ‘with’ in your conversations, work, and relationships and see how its use changes the meanings and value of them.

Why I.Q. Scores Don't Matter

I have absolutely no idea what my I.Q. score is. I’ve never known, and I’ve never really had a strong desire to know. Personally, I don’t find very much value in concerning myself with such seemingly trivial pieces of information. The problem with the I.Q. score is that it is not a valid indicator of the level of success a person will obtain in their lifetime.

This past weekend I went to a bar to watch a college football game (Texas vs. Tech) where we celebrated a friend’s birthday. As the birthday girl was introducing me to her other friends, one of them introduced herself to me by saying, “Hi, my name is (we’ll call her Ashley). My I.Q. is 138. What’s your I.Q.?”

I was so taken aback by her introduction, I didn’t know how to immediately respond without being rude. (Please leave your comment below. I would love to see how you think I should have responded). I wanted to say something along the lines of, “wow, that’s a great line,” but I deferred to, “I don’t know. I’ve never tested my I.Q., but I think what really matters is not the amount of intelligence one has but what one does with the intelligence they have.” Yeah…that conversation didn’t last very long. I’m okay that it didn’t.

Maybe if I.Q. scores really were an indicator of the level of success I could expect to obtain, I’d find it more important to know. But then again, maybe I wouldn’t. After all, success is subjective. What means success to me might not matter to you at all. Some organizations base success on return on investment (ROI). Others base success off of the number of people served. Some people base success on social status. Others focus more on the impacts they make in their communities.

Maybe the real reason I don’t want to know that all-so-important number is that I’m afraid to find out I’m not smart. Maybe I’ve lived my life following dreams that were never supposed to come true for me. What if I find my entire set of goals is a mirage in the desert of life that I’ll never have the ability to reach? Will my performance suddenly drop with this newfound information? Will a lower number anticipated force me to succumb a self-degrading, self-fulfilling prophecy?

On the other hand, what if I find out my number is actually higher than I expected. Will I suddenly realize that I should have done more with my life? Maybe I would become increasingly unsatisfied with my accomplishments. I mean, maybe I would become more motivated. But I could just as likely become so frustrated, that I lose productivity. Would my personality suddenly change with all this new confidence I’d gain from realizing I’m smarter? I don’t think so, but hey, it could happen.

Those questions are hard for me to think about, with answers I don’t want to consider. At this point in my life, I’ve had time to discover my many of my strengths and weaknesses. I know what I’m capable of doing and the areas where I struggle. But what bothers me more is when I think about children, and how placing too much stock in this number effects them. I feel that placing too much emphasis on this I.Q. score is especially damaging to a developing mind, either providing them with an undue sense of pride or equally invalid sense of feebleness. Children respond more positively to praise for effort than praise for innate intellectual capacity. When we give a child a test and propose that their score measures their effort, they score higher than they do when we say the test will measure their intelligence. Do we really want to want to tell our children how successful they will or will not be before they’ve even had the chance to try?

I’m of the camp that believes that we are in control of our destinies, and feel that goal-setting, determination, intuition, drive, awareness, networking, and experiences are better precipitators for success, whatever success might mean to that individual. I like not knowing my I.Q. score. I like learning from the people around me. I enjoy sharing stories and growing from those with different sets of experiences and cultures than my own. On track, in the classroom, and in the workplace, I’ve excelled because I’ve never become complacent. In an era with so much information, sometimes not knowing is the best way to keep striving to do better.

The Pistol Shrimp And It’s Lessons For Small Business and Personal Philosophy

If anybody ever needed a reason to study marine biology, here it is. Although minuscule, the pistol shrimp makes tremendous waves (actually bubbles) that force larger animals to take notice. The pistol shrimp uses it’s abnormally large claw to both communicate and shoot bubbles. These bubbles, which can reach temperatures of up to 4,700ºC (close to the temperature of the sun), are capable of taking out larger fish and breaking small glass jars, and compete with much larger animals like the Sperm Whale and Beluga Whale for the title of “Loudest animal in the sea.”

What does this teach us about small business and personal philosophy?

 

Small business in important

Many find small business insignificant. However, according to the the U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA), small business drives the economy, employing 99.7% of all Americans. Larger companies make the headlines, but smaller companies often account for the technology, ideas, and innovation they acquire.

 

You don’t have to be a major player to make noise

The pistol shrimp uses one claw to generate a sound that competes with the noises made by the Sperm Whale and Beluga Whale. In business, as in society, you don’t have to be huge to be heard. Dell Computers began from a guy selling computers out the back of his car. With new communication tools like blogs, Twitter, etc., you don’t have to be famous to start or become involved in a conversation.

 

Partnerships are paramount

Back in the day, competition reigned. Today, we have to work together. There are more options than ever, and people buy products and services based on affinity with a brand. The pistol shrimp typically involves itself in a symbiotic relationship by sharing burrows with goby fish. The goby fish, with its sharp vision, provides a warning mechanism to the pistol shrimp, while the pistol shrimp provides protection. Who can you work with to make bigger waves?

 

Without goals we can’t build strategy

The pistol shrimp must be accurate to ensure survival. Because of its relatively small size, if it misses its mark, the shrimp risks becoming the one that falls prey. We need to develop a clear set of goals in order to develop a strategy for obtaining them. Also, having goals is not enough. Putting a plan in place and acting on those plans are necessary to reach them.

Conclusion

The pistol shrimp may be small, but is far from insignificant. They teach a valuable lesson for business, society, and personal relationships. Whether you’re a small business owner, an employee, a person with an idea or thought—don’t feel as though you aren’t big enough to make a difference. Figure out what you want to do, develop a plan, and do it.

Two others animals using projectile weaponry are the Archer Fish and Velvet Worm. Check them out.

Gain Inspiration From Those Around Us

Sometimes we get so caught up in looking to experts, industry leaders, and heroes for inspiration and lessons we often forget to look around us. We love the drama of tremendous struggle and triumphant success. There’s something about the “defying all odds” story that keeps us intrigued. While there’s nothing wrong with looking up to aspirational characters, focusing entirely on these figures causes us to forget that we can learn from those around us.

Everyday the people in our own circles are going through adversity or reaching accomplishments. Each of of these people has a story to tell—a story from which we can grow and learn. Are you listening?

Last week, I had a conversation with a few friends I haven’t seen in a while. We talked about what we’ve been up to and the goals we had in the near term. One explained that she had a well-paying job, but decided to leave it because she wasn’t feeling fulfilled, instead opting for something where she could positively impact others. That’s the kind of story that keeps me motivated to do what I do. There are several leaders I look up to, but more and more are emerging from the circle with which I’m already familiar.

I have friends, teachers, professors, coworkers, strangers, clients, and associates that continue to challenge me and force me to think of things from various perspectives. These are the people that make me want to be better. Trying to keep my ears open to all of it is the challenge. Growing from it is the reward.