Inevitably there will be times when you have setbacks or things don t go your way. Maybe you didn't get a job you thought you were sure to get. Maybe you lost a job unexpectedly, didn't win a contract, or lost a major client. Your car always seems to break down right after you've had some other unexpected expense. These kinds of situations immediately place us in crisis. They don t feel good, but sometimes they re what we need in order to grow. The beautiful thing about crises is that they force us to take a step back and reevaluate what s going on in our lives and rediscover what we truly want and need. When we get over that initial shock and feeling of disappointment, we might realize that maybe that job wasn't really the best for us anyway. Maybe, just maybe, that wasn't what you really wanted to spend your life doing. Maybe that friend was holding you back instead of pushing you forward. The way I deal with crises of these sorts is simple: If something doesn't go my way professionally, I try to create a situation that would be more rewarding than the situation originally planned. A while ago, I was offered a job that looked very promising. After I accepted the offer, they pushed the start date back three times, later informing me (via e-mail) that they wanted to bring me on in the near future but I should feel free to explore other options. I was extremely disappointed. I felt disrespected and angry, but decided to make the best of the situation and follow my dream of working internationally. I then flew to Santiago, Chile and had great professional and personal experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. Later, reflecting back on the original opportunity, I realized that working for a company that avoids a start date three times and then can t pick up the phone to explain the situation is probably not where I need to spend my time. Use setbacks as an opportunity to put your goals in order and act on them. In the moment, it s difficult to look at a setback as temporary, but they are. They happen to everybody. It s how you respond to them that will determine how they affect you.
I once had a classmate stop me on the final day of school before we graduated. She said she wanted to thank me for making her always feel so special. I thought about it for a moment and couldn’t think of anything I did, so I asked how. She told me that I was the only person who said hi to her everyday and addressed her by her name. It’s funny how little things make large impacts in the lives you touch. These impacts can be either positive or negative. I hope that I’m making more positive impacts than negative ones. Think about all of the little interactions we have. Which impacts ones are you making?
Why is it that some managers have great relationships with their employees while others don’t? How is it that turnover can drop, or increase tremendously with the addition or subtraction of a single person? Managers typically have the same or very similar goals, stresses, and pressures. Getting people to do what you want is, for the most part, pretty simple. You don’t have to have a prestigious degree. You don’t have to have the answers to everything. They may help you earn respect, but they won’t get people to do things for you. Respect is key to getting people to do things. The days when tyranny scared people into productivity are all but over. You have to make people feel important.
What Is Making People Feel Important:
- Showing respect to the people with whom you work
- Providing constructive criticism
- Encouraging creative solutions
- Involving your team
- Remembering (and saying) a person’s name – VERY IMPORTANT
- Saying “hello” to people (address them with their name)
- Explaining the importance of a project or assignment
- Listening to concerns (real listening)
- Following up on those concerns
What Is NOT Making People Feel Important:
- Attempting to buy respect
- Providing destructive criticism
- Not listening to critiques made of you
- Assigning assignments and projects with no explanation
- Not involving your team
- Not listening to your team
- Hearing concerns rather than listening to them
- Forgetting about things that are important to others
- Gossiping
- Sexually harassment
I know you can think of others you can add. What else would you like to add to these lists? Leave your comments below.
Normally, when we talk about networking, we’re talking about growing the number of connections or contacts we have. We discuss clubs, best practices with regard to e-mails, how to follow up, etc. We very rarely talk about one of, I feel, the most important parts of networking: pruning it. When it comes to the people in your network quality is more important than quantity. Many super-networkers may think I’m crazy for saying this, but our brains can only maintain so many relationships at any given time anyway. It’s important that we have room in our lives to maintain the connections that are healthy to us. Many times, it is more difficult to reduce the size of your network than to grow it.
It’s important to realize that networking is not about collecting contacts. People are not trading cards. I think it’s funny when people boast about how many people they have in their phone. Networking is about pooling differing experiences for mutual benefit. That benefit does not have to be monetary or career related. Two friends that encourage each other is a successful relationship. As trees and plants grow, it is sometimes necessary to remove the leaves and branches that or inhibiting growth. Once removed new, stronger leaves and branches grow in their place, leading to a healthier specimen. The same concept applies to people.
As your network grows, you’re sure to come across people who become toxic to you. You might recognize these people. They are the ones who are always negative, the ones who hate to see you do anything successful, and those who do anything they can to hold you back. They are not good for you and need to be removed your your immediate network. You don’t have to cut them out of your life completely, but they shouldn’t be allowed to negatively affect you. Breaking a bond with a person with whom we have a relationship can be difficult, but we sometimes have to rid ourselves of a few bad leaves so we can have room to grow.